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As an INFJ you will settle for nothing less than a soul partner with whom you can bond in an almost spiritual sense. You take commitment seriously, and you want to share your complex inner life and communicate intimately about what most concerns and drives you.






The INFJ mate

A warm and considerate partner, the INFJ takes their commitments seriously
and seeks a lifelong soul-mate relationship.

A quick summary of the INFJ as a mate

LOVE IS: The quest for, above all else, a soul-mate. INFJs are interested only in the perfect relationship.

FALLS IN LOVE: Slowly. With their head first and then with all their heart. INFJs have a depth of caring not usually found in others.

FALLS OUT OF LOVE: Can leave a relationship once they're sure it's over. A partner who violates the INFJ's values will be cut off forever.

INTIMACY: A near-spiritual experience of bonding heart and soul. It's important for INFJs to know that their mates are happy.

COMMITMENT: Seeks a lifelong, commited relationship. INFJs approach their intimate relationships quite seriously.

MOST SATISFIED WITH: A partner who respects their deeply held values and and who appreciates their creativity and inspiration.

To win the heart of an INFJ, dismantle their protective walls by catering to their fascination with big topics on quiet, structured dates.
LoveTypes – Alexander Avila

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Tthe INFJ is supportive and guided by a sense of integrity. The INFJ is encouraging of their partners dreams, aspirations and achievements. INFJs want to maintain harmony in their relationships and are extremely motivated to resolve conflicts; however, when it comes to their core values and ethics, they are unwilling to compromise. INFJs seek emotional engagement, and are happiest when they feel they and their mates are sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings.
      INFJs value a partner who respects their deeply-held values, and one who appreciates their creativity and inspiration.

The INFJ in relationships: strengths and challenges

Warm, gentle and affirming by nature.

Sensitive and concerned for others' feelings.

Good listener

Takes their commitments and responsibilities very seriously.

Dedicated to achieving the ultimate relationship.

Uncritical devotion may lead to disillusionment

Wants to have own way but also wants to be liked

May use convoluted tactics to avoid conflict

May create tension in relationships by working too hard to eliminate it.

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Ian is a male INFJ

He had many female friends in high school, some of whom were interested in him. He dated a couple but didn't find it very satisfying. In college, he was convinced he'd found the woman of his dreams. They hit it off right away and dated for two years before he found out she'd been cheating on him almost the whole time. She told him she felt trapped because he idealized her so much. Now he's dating a new woman and is working to view their relationship more realistically.

Rachel is a female INFJ

She seldom dated in high school since she was studious and reserved, intimidating the guys. In college she dated more often. Rachel had a boyfriend who pursued her. It was a passionate affair which quickly burned out when she became convinced he didn't really love her. Later she met another man. Within a few weeks, they were certain they were meant for each other. A year later, they married..

Male and female INFJ relationship portraits from Please Understand Me: Temperament, Character, Intelligence by Dr David Keirsey

Discover your MBTI® personality type code online in less than 30 minutes for just €45. View a sample report.




  • For INFJs, 'still waters run deep.' They tend to prefer one deep relationship over many superficial ones. However, when they meet that special person, they are quick to get into the relationship and make it a serious one. They become very focused, intense and direct in that pursuit. INFJs may not openly demonstrate their intense feelings but, at times when alone, INFJs become truly in touch with the depth of the love they have for their partner.
          INFJs enjoy sharing activities like a regular 'date', revisiting the place where they first met their mates, or doing other symbolic things that help to continue and confirm the existence of the bond that they feel for their partner ...
  • INFJs, when scorned, take it personally and retreat inward. They may obsess about the relationship and their role in its failure. One INFJ explained, 'People can do the most outrageous things, yet I blame myself for triggering their behaviour or not recognising it. I see myself as responsible for relationships. Other people can dismiss them – I'm not able to.'
          INFJs may blame themselves and experience a period of mourning. If they do not marshall their resources, externalise their feelings and take risks to move on, they may experience a long periods of self-examination.
    LifeTypes: Understand Yourself and Make the Most of Who You Are
    Sandra Krebs Hirsh and Jean Kummerow
  • LifeTypes is a book about you. Authors and MBTI experts Hirsh and Kummerow show you how to develop a detailed psychological self-portrait: to know your strengths and tendencies, overcome your weaknesses, and understand the people in your life better. LifeTypes is book designed to help you know and accept yourself ... to let your true self guide you in everything you do.

    "I loved this book. I totally recognised myself."

    "You will learn an enormous amount about yourself and everyone you come into contact with."

    "The book showed me how to embrace my weaknesses as well as my strengths."

    "I'm a psychologist and this may be the most useful book I've ever found."

    Discover your MBTI® personality type code online in less than 30 minutes for just €45. View a sample report.

    The following payment methods are accepted:





    References: Murray State University, Profound Knowledge Products, My Personality, Personality Desk, Personality Page and David Markley. Also various works by: Paul Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger, Otto Kroeger and Janet M. Thuesen, Florence Littauer, Alexander Avila and Naomi and Alan Quenk.

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