It was good for my boyfriend and I to go through at different times during our relationship. The book brought up some very touchy subjects between us and also started some heated discussions. But it ultimately brought us closer together.

10 Great Dates Before You Say 'I Do' – Claudia Arp and David Arp.

“My fiance and I are both learning a lot about our communication styles and issues that need to be discussed before our wedding day.”

“This book is a great way to share your ideas and realize some fun and interesting facts about your partner.”

“A great way to open up communication.”

“If you are thinking of or planning on getting married this book is fantastic.”

“My husband and I got it about six months before we got engaged and went through the 10 dates. It is a great conversation starter and just plain fun to plan dates (especially dates that focus on your relationship rather than wedding planning which can be consuming!).”

“I liked this book and it was good for my boyfriend and I to go through at different times during our relationship. The book brought up important topics that need to be discussed before you make the committment of marriage. The book brought up some very touchy subjects between us and also started some heated discussions but it ultimately brought us closer together which is what we needed. We don't have everything figured out of course but we are steps closer to having a good solid foundation to our relationship which will carry over to our marriage.”

“For newlyweds or those married for a number of years, this book has many gems of wisdom to offer. My husband and I have been married for 28 years and read the book together and found it refreshing and helpful in some areas where we recognized chronic tension in our relationship.”

“My husband and I used the 10 dates in the book. I am so glad that we took the time to answer all of the hard questions and to 'lay it all our on the table'. We discussed everything from sex and finances to religion and how to fight fair.”

“I didn't think that we really needed to do premarital counseling because I assumed that we already knew each other well enough to get engaged. However, after we were married my husband lost his job (for a year!), we sold our house and moved to the 'burbs and had a baby. These are all stressful and exciting things to happen. We never would have made it through all of these events without the help of this book. Our marriage is stronger than ever. I credit this book with saving us. ”

“I am so glad that we took the time to answer all of the hard questions and to ‘lay it all our on the table’. We discussed everything from sex and finances to religion and how to fight fair.”

reviews from Amazon.com

10 Great Dates Before You Say
‘I Do’ offers a unique approach featuring fun-filled dates to help seriously dating and engaged couples strengthen their relationship.

If you're engaged or seriously dating, you're likely excited about taking the next step in your relationship. Dating can be fun, but it can also be a valuable way to make sure you're ready for marriage and to build specific skills you'll need for a successful marriage.

The 10 Great Dates in short:

  • Share your hopes and dreams: Talk about your expectations for your relationship. Where you would like to live, your ideal home, career plans and goals, your future family, and any other short- or long-term goals
  • Appreciate your differences: Seek to understand the ways you and your partner are alike, and the ways you're different. List of your combined strengths and try to complement each other to minimize your weaknesses.
  • Communicate and connect: Recognise the three main communication styles - chatting (surface conversations), confronting (attacking someone else), and connecting (conversations that lead to intimacy and resolved differences). Practice telling each other how you feel about various things (such as when your partner smiles at you, thanks you, or makes a sacrifice for you)
  • Solve problems as a couple: Understand that the key to resolving conflict is developing a way to look at an issue from the same side. Realize that, while you won't be able to reach an agreement on some issues, you can always fully express and understand each other's feelings about them.
  • Manage your money: Define your financial goals and share them with your partner. Track your expenditures for a while so you can use that information to develop a workable budget. Then consider how you would like to manage your family finances after marry.
  • Leave and cleave: Talk to each other about your families of origin. Discuss how you can love and respect your family members, but still leave them for your future spouse. Talk about how your existing friends might adjust to your future marriage, and consider how you might build mutual friendships with other couples.
  • Celebrating intimacy, love and romance: Talk about how important each of these facets of a love life is to you each: trust, mutuality, honesty, intimacy, affection, and sex. Discuss what romantic moments you'd like to share and how you would like your partner to express love to you.
  • Realising family roles: Discuss your expectations for roles in marriage, and how you'd like to divide everyday tasks. Try to work as a team to negotiate and compromise so you each share a fair load. Also share your hopes and dreams about children. Honestly discuss whether you want any, how many, and when.
  • Develop spiritual intimacy: Share where you currently are on your spiritual journey and what your core beliefs you each have. Determine what core beliefs you and your partner share, and how you can work together to serve others.
  • Choose an intentional marriage: Make commitments to prioritise your relationship so you have enough time with each other on a regular basis. Write out your marriage goals, including when you would like to accomplish them and what steps you plan to take to do so.

Couples who follow the date-based steps in 10 Great Dates Before You Say 'I Do' will soon discover whether or not to go to the next level of commitment, and will spend quality time together now while preparing for a great marriage in the future.

About the Authors

Spouses Claudia and David Arp are founders of Marriage Alive International, a non-profit marriage and family educational organization. Both are skilled communicators whose seminars and workshops are described as 'Real, down-to-earth, extremely practical and fun'. Together they have written over 30 books that have sold more than a million copies in over 10 languages.
      Curt and Natelle Brown are advisors to the
Colorado Marriage Project.