My boyfriend and I have been together almost six years now. We had had a great time going through it chapter by chapter and discussing our viewpoints and plans. It led us to whole new levels of understanding about each other.

The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say 'I Do'
– Susan Piver.

“Incredibly stimulating. A concise job of presenting the big issues.”

“We ended up keeping a copy for ourselves and buying another for our friend.”

“I recommend this book highly and not just for people who are contemplating getting married. I think it's an excellent book for any two people who are involved in a committed relationship and who want to understand each other better and perhaps take their relationship to a deeper, more meaningful level.”

“We have discovered things about each other that might have taken years to find out.”

“So many pre-marriage books written from an evangelical Christian point of view. This is wonderful resource for non-
evangelicals looking for serious marriage preparation.”

“Some of the simpler questions that I thought would lead to one-word answers led to deep discussions with my husband. A good book!”

“Want to know how to really have a better relationship? Do yourself a favor and read this book.”

reviews from Amazon.com

“The author writes a beautiful, eloquent, and insightful forward that is well worth the price all by itself.”

“This book will open up topics you may have been hesitant to bring up. Do skip any question you may think are not important or silly. A very useful tool.”

“If your partner is open to the discussion then you have truly found ‘The One’. A sure sign you and he/she are not meant to be together is that they refuse to discuss any of the topics involved. MOVE ON!”

“Some excellent questions in this book that cover many issues couples face. A great resource for anyone who is thinking about marriage”

“The questions promoted conversation which led us to other issues not even mentioned in the book. We also felt that we knew each other a little better afterward. It was worth the time and money. This is something that I would definitely buy for my friends when they get married.”

“Piver’s perspective on marriage and relationships that is honest and touching, and which should inspire most readers to look with new eyes at why they are together and how they might stay that way.”

reviews from Amazon.ca

If you’re thinking of getting married or otherwise settling into one relationship, congratulations. You are fortunate, brave, and, if you’re like the rest of us, terrified! This is where The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say 'I Do' can help.

In our parents and grandparents time, most marriages took place between people of similar backgrounds. But today all bets are off. Extra effort is required to see through your projections of ‘the perfect partner’ and instead see the perfect partner in front of you, exactly as he or she is.

According to author Susan Piver: “When I was thinking of getting married, I got really panicky. I mean I loved my boyfriend and everything, but so what. All my divorced friends loved their boyfriends when they got married too. And I also reflected about my past failed relationships. And I had a startling realization.”

“None of my past serious relationships failed because we didn’t love each other anymore. It was not a matter of love at all. These relationships failed because one of us didn’t love our life together. We were unable to create a LIFE that we both loved. I was kind of shocked when I thought of this: you mean just because you love someone doesn’t mean you’re going to love your life together? No one had ever said this.”

So Susan and her future spouse started to write down questions about how they saw their future live together. Answering these questions proved to be an amazing experience, writes Susan: “Believe me, it’s not like we agreed on everything. But here’s the thing. We loved, loved, loved each other so much when we were done answering the questions. WHETHER OR NOT WE AGREED WITH EACH OTHER. That was key. We felt so close.”

Hard Questions to ask and answer before you say ‘I do’:

  • Home: Discuss what kind of home you want to live in, and who will be responsible for what chores.
  • Money: Will your combined incomes can cover all your expenses? What are your long-term financial goals? How much you will each contribute to your communal expenses and how much you will keep for your own, personal costs?
  • Work: Are you each happy with your own jobs AND are you content with the demands of your partners work? Under what circumstances would it be okay for one of you not to work?
  • Sex: Discuss your sex life honestly. Are you both happy with the current state of affairs in the bedroom? If not, where would you like to make changes? This means, frequency, experimentation, gratification, etc.

Asking The Hard Questions is a way to create intimacy that can last beyond the first blush of romance. This way, when you finally do say, ‘I do’ you will know what you’re promising and whom you’re promising it to. And what is more loving than this?

About the Author

Susan Piver is a writer, teacher, and speaker on topics such as love, creativity, and spirituality. She is the author of two best-selling books, and has written for Body and Soul, USA Today, Oprah! magazine, Reader’s Digest, The Wall Street Journal and Time.
      Susan has been studying and practicing Buddhism since 1995. A graduate of Shambhala Vajrayana Seminary,
she is an authorised meditation instructor.